Welcome to the first, and maybe last, of a sub-series of posts that aren't about my vague recollections of a Shadowverse tournament, but are instead my vague recollections of something else entirely. If you're only here for nerdy card games, then just skip the posts that have "Pot of Normality" in the title, and it will be business as usual for you.
This past week I had no classes due to it being the Autumn break, so I took work off as well to do some good old fashioned ToUrIsm before this country becomes flooded with bloody tourists after the borders open for realsies this time in October.
Today we're talking about... Universal Studios Japan!
WHY IS NO ONE WEARING MASKS? (it's a stock image)
USJ is an absolutely sprawling theme park divided into themed sections dedicated to different popular franchises and their exhibits. Each section has its own rides, attractions, themed foods and merch, but also is styled in such a way that you feel like you're really moving between worlds as you navigate the park.
I'm travelling with she-who-must-not-be-named, so it's fitting that we started our day at Hogwarts. Taking a right turn into muggleville (is that what it's called?) I'm surrounded by what could honestly have been the set of the movie, with countless stores and landmarks faithfully recreated in an almost overwhelming display of witchcraft and wizardry.
One fifth of Platform Nine and Three Fourths
For all your Zonko related needs
Butter Beer is being sold by the flagon, the door to the wand store OPENS and leads to an actual wand store, and the attention to detail in the cobbled pathways and architecture complete the picture. It also helps that USJ is the kind of place where visitors love to dress up to visit, and many people are wearing their Gryffindor and Slytherin robes (not many Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff fans, I noticed. The book series has definitely done some real propaganda work on behalf of the big two).
Don't remember being able to buy Voldemort's Wand at the local though
Disappointingly 0% Alcohol Content
The piece de résistance, however, is the looming scale model of the Hogwarts castle which houses the area's signature rollercoaster. We get in line, and Voldemort, with whom I'm traveling, nonchalantly mentions to me that we'll be in line for about an hour and a half.
A
N
H
O
U
R
A
N
D
A
H
A
L
F
Imagine comparing Usyd to this
Apparently that's just what you do here, especially on days like today where the place is absolutely rammed. The saving grace is that the line moves relatively quickly, and snakes through the castle's gardens, catacombs and hallways, with plenty of insta-worthy photo opportunities, including a few sights that even I recognised, like the mirror that shows you what you desire most. Or points you to the black pearl.... Something like that anyway.
90 minutes later, we're finally locked and loaded. It's hard to describe exactly what kind of experience this is, but I will say it's incredible. Imagine a rollercoaster that flies you through a physical hogwarty world, slipping through narrow gaps with physical props of dementors swooping past you as you fly on your broom (I assume?) with Potter and the gang to save the world from that flat faced nerd that got bullied too much in school.
Seamlessly woven between physical environments are 3D visual sequences shown to you on a screen that stretches further than you can see, which manages to stay immersive with the help of the responsive movements of the rollercoaster cart. Apparently this whole thing cost millions to build, and I can totally understand why.
I know it sounds silly to say that a 5 minute experience can be worth waiting 90, but it really is quite unique. I even caught myself thinking I should end my 17 year hiatus and finish reading the books. THAT'S how impactful this was. A little fresh air and with the next world on the horizon, that thought thankfully faded gracefully.
Up next is.. Jaws?
Nooooo my download speedddd
Jaws isn't really a whole world to explore but rather just a big immersive ride, which we paid a premium of 80 or so minutes to enjoy. This ride is less of a ride and more of a farcical fixed river cruise tour which is made cartoonishly comedic by the conductor of the ship, who continues to re-assure you that there's no problem as she frantically spins the steering wheel while firing her fake gun at a routinely resurfacing giant shark.
I never really Jaws and the shark was a little bit too fake to inspire any real thrills, but the over-the-top performance of our guide at least made this a fun outing. With time being so precious at USJ, I'm not sure I'd queue up again for this one.
Is this how he is in the comics? Please confirm?
this is where you silently cry after JK Simmons screams at you to GET HIM PHOTOS OF SPIDERMAN
What Jaws could have been
We hit a few more big-ticket attractions like Spiderman (worth it), Jujutsu Kaisen (not worth it) and Jurassic Park (hella worth it), before we got to Super Mario World. Only to find out that to even ENTER this section of the theme park, we'd have to apply for a time slot in advance due to the sheer number of people around. Sorry, that's not exactly right. We applied in advance for a CHANCE to visit this section of the park, like some kind of lottery. Seems a bit bullshit given how much the entry tickets cost, but I think that's not exactly a fresh take on the situation.
What Super Mario World looks like, according to google images
Yeaaaah... we didn't get in.
One thing we didn't have to line up for was the Halloween themed festivities that kicked off after sundown when all the kids had gone home. Flashdance mobs would randomly spring up in costume to throw their zombie limbs around to bright lights and dubstep, and horrific characters walked around in cosplay scaring the shit out of young Hogwarts freshman.
I wonder if these people get sick of performing for Iphones
Quite gross
Quite cool
As you can probably tell by the tapering of content in this post, I took less and less photos throughout the day because honestly I was just having a good time, but also because it would be boring to read word for word how I found every attraction. I will go full buzzfeed and offer two pieces of advice though, before I slam the gavel and deliver the final sentence for USJ.
The first piece of advice is pretty standard: Go on a weekday when the weather is decent. It's always going to be lively, but the less people around while you're there the better. There literally wasn't enough time to do a huge number of things, and even lining up for a feed at a food stand eats a chunk of clock each time.
Secondly, but probably more important given how futile the first piece of advice is: Take someone you can effortlessly spend a whole day with. Despite some incredible moments on million dollar rollercoasters, you're going to be in queues or exploring the huge campus all day, so USJ is really more about the many moments between those moments. Take the wrong person, and you'll feel like you've spent 10 hours in a hospital waiting room with no seats. Take the right person, and those moments between moments won't feel like you're waiting for anything at all.
★★★ Review ★★★
USJ
★★★★★★★☆☆☆
USJ without Crowds
★★★★★★★★★☆
Voldemort
★★★★★★★★★★
Beautiful ending!
ReplyDelete